LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
they're like a gay fantastic four
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Randomize
