The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
