I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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