There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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