just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
this is an emotional support booty call
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
