Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Randomize
