Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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