i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
so let's talk penis.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
You brought string cheese to the strip club
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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