OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
