i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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