To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
