He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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