I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
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