Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize