Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Randomize
