why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
