I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Randomize
