every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
