"it" just moved
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
