we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
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Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
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His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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