i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
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