haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
