Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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