I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
