So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
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