Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
