I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Randomize
