So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Randomize
