i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
