he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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