Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
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