Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
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