I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I can't turn off my feet"
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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