I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Taylor Swift is so right about you.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
