I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Randomize
