hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
