You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
