Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
there's paper in my vomit.
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
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How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
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