So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Let's paint friendship bongs
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
