Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
