just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
