Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
