Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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