Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Randomize
