just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
