my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
