We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
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