nut hugger
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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