I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
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