wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
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