And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
