I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
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I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
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Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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