i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
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Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
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She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
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