Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
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