thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize
