We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Randomize
