i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
