Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
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