That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
