Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
