Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
