Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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