I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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